So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
