You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
