It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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