My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You ruined the universe
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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