So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
