I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
