im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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