ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
