where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
