So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
