I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
