I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
