Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
