there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
