i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
