she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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