So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
we're so committed to being not committed
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
