I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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