Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
