I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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