Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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