girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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