I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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