I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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