Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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