O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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