You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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