how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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