The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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