I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
