and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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