You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
