you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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