By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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