Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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