how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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