a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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