Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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