stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
