Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
