He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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