Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
