4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just puked most of my soul out..
PANTIES FOUND
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