I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
