mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
