that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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