But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
