he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He shit in the fireplace
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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