Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
