I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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