glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
