Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
