He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
