butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
