I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
