so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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