Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
