It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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