gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
