How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize