I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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