You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
