Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
