Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize