Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
