At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
