I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Someone came in the potted fern
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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