What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
