oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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