I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
