the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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