Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
