walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
