Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
