After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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