The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
