Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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