oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
