I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
