i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
