Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
