im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize