I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
