I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
